Private Vow Reading at Your First Look
Why We Love It and How to Plan It
A private vow reading is when you read your personal vows to each other before the ceremony, usually during a private first look, instead of in front of your guests. Your ceremony still includes vows, usually the traditional ones your officiant leads. The words you wrote yourselves stay between the two of you and the photo and video team capturing them.
Stephanie and Stephen did exactly this at their wedding at The Estate at Florentine Gardens in River Vale, New Jersey. Modern Weddings featured their day and closed with the same advice: "Read your vows at the first look instead of the altar." Here is why we agree, and how to plan it.
Why Couples Choose a Private Vow Reading
Less pressure. Many people freeze when they read something personal in front of a full room. With only your partner listening, you can take your time.
You actually hear each other. At the altar you are thinking about the guests, the timing and not crying. In private, the words land.
A shorter ceremony. Your guests still get a moving ceremony, and it doesn't run long.
Time together first. A wedding day is busy. This gives you a few calm minutes before it starts.
Private Vows vs. Ceremony Vows
Private vow reading: only the two of you and your photo and video team hear your vows. The pressure is low and the ceremony stays shorter. Your family can still hear your words later if you share the film. It's best for private couples and nervous speakers.
Personal vows at the ceremony: every guest hears them live. There's more pressure and the ceremony runs longer. It's best for couples who want everyone to hear their words in the moment.
What It Looked Like for Stephanie and Stephen
One of Stephanie and Stephen's first requests was a private first look: a quiet moment together, away from family and guests. They call themselves homebodies, and their relationship is honest and calm. Sharing their vows privately fit who they are.
The first look didn't take anything away from the ceremony. Stephanie had looked forward to the doors opening and seeing Stephen at the end of the aisle, and that moment was still hers. As Modern Weddings put it, the first look gave them "a few quiet minutes to take in the day" before the celebration began. See their full Estate at Florentine Gardens wedding.
How to Plan a Private Vow Reading
1. Decide early and tell your photographer and videographer. That way the vow reading is built into your wedding planning timeline instead of squeezed in.
2. Plan 20 to 30 minutes. That covers the first look, the vows and a few portraits right after.
3. Choose a quiet spot with soft light. Ask your venue which rooms or garden areas are free before guests arrive, and stay away from the guest entrance.
4. Keep the space clear. Ask your planner or a friend to keep family from walking in.
5. Write your vows in a vow book or on a card. Paper looks better in photos than a phone, and it's a keepsake.
6. Ask your officiant what the ceremony needs. Some ceremonies require specific vows. Your private vows add to them; they don't replace them.
7. Decide whether to share. Keep them private forever, or share the film with family later.
How We Photograph and Film a Private Vow Reading
A private vow reading only works if it still feels private. Our photographer and videographer work from a distance, so it's just the two of you in the moment. We place cameras so we see both faces at once. When one of you is reading, the other one's reaction is the photo.
For video, we mic you so your words are recorded clearly. Without audio, a film can show the moment but not what you said. With it, you can hear your vows again years from now. Then we take a few portraits while you're still glowing.
Is a Private Vow Reading Right for You?
It's a great fit if you're private people, if public speaking makes you nervous, or if you want a calmer start to the day. If you want your guests to hear every word, read your vows at the ceremony. And if you'd rather save the first sight of each other for the aisle, you can still read vows privately: exchange letters without seeing each other, or read them in a quiet room right after the ceremony.
Wedding Photography and Video by MC Productions
MC Productions Photography and Video is a husband-and-wife wedding photography and videography studio in Roselle Park, New Jersey, with more than 20 years of experience at venues across New Jersey and New York. Our wedding photography and wedding videography teams plan moments like a private vow reading into your timeline together, so both cameras are ready when it happens.
Thinking about a private vow reading? Tell us your date, and we'll help you find where it fits in your day.
Private Vow Reading FAQ
What is a private vow reading?
It's when a couple reads their personal vows to each other in private before the ceremony, usually during a first look. Only the couple and their photographer and videographer are there.
Do you still say vows at the ceremony after a private vow reading?
Yes. Most couples still exchange the traditional vows their officiant leads. The private reading is for the personal vows they wrote themselves.
How long does a private vow reading take?
Plan 20 to 30 minutes for the first look, the vows and a few portraits afterward.
Will our private vows be in our wedding video?
They can be. With a mic on each of you, your words are recorded, so the film includes what you said, not just the moment.
Can we do a private vow reading without a first look?
Yes. You can exchange letters without seeing each other before the ceremony, or read your vows in a quiet room right after it.
Where should we do a private vow reading?
Choose a quiet room or garden spot with soft light, away from where guests arrive. Ask your venue which spaces are free before the ceremony.
As Featured in Modern Weddings
Stephanie and Stephen's wedding was featured in Modern Weddings: A Soft Blue and Gold Wedding at The Estate at Florentine Gardens in River Vale, New Jersey.
Venue: The Estate at Florentine Gardens
Photography and video: MC Productions Photography and Video